Genuine versus toxic positivity

Understanding the difference and learning to deal with it  

In a world where constant self-improvement is flaunted across our screens—from skincare routines to run clubs, meditation apps, and investment tips. The pressure to maintain an aesthetic, camera-ready lifestyle may seem overwhelming, especially when we're not feeling our best. Experiencing challenges whilst putting on a positive front can be exhausting. With few people posting authentically online, it can feel lonely to struggle with your mental health when everyone around you seems to be thriving.  

While pep talks, affirmations, and putting a positive spin on situations can be useful coping strategies, in some instances these can minimise how you are actually feeling. It sounds contradictory, but not all positivity is helpful.    

What Is toxic positivity?

Toxic positivity is the assumption, either by oneself or others, that despite a person’s emotional pain or difficult situation, they should maintain a positive mindset. However these expectations can sometimes invalidate our experiences, and suppress recovery.     

Some common examples include:

• "Look on the bright side!"  

• "Everything happens for a reason."  

• "At least..."  

If you're unsure whether you feel someone is offering genuine or toxic positivity, ask yourself these questions:  

• Do you feel dismissed or encouraged when someone tells you to put a positive spin on the situation?  

• Does feeling positive feel inappropriate given the context and how you are feeling?  

• Do you feel pressured to feel a certain way?  

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In the Workplace  

Much like social media, workplaces can also be a catalyst where employees bottle up their feelings, and present themselves with forced enthusiasm despite difficult situations. This can dismiss the challenges within a team, and can detract from actual enjoyment and success at work, making celebrations feel hollow and reducing job satisfaction. If creating a positive culture comes before the real feelings within the workplace, job satisfaction is likely to be impacted.  

What employers can do:  

• Implement regular check-ins and feedback sessions where employees can speak openly about their challenges.  

• Conduct training sessions on emotional intelligence and mental health awareness.  

• Offer access to mental health resources, such as counselling services, support groups, and wellness programs.  

• Train managers to listen actively and respond empathetically to their team’s concerns.  

• Celebrate milestones and efforts, not just outcomes, to show appreciation for hard work regardless of the result.  

• Avoid downplaying challenges and instead focus on how the team can overcome them together.  

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How Toxic Positivity Impacts Wellbeing  

Hiding your authentic self can result in your feelings growing stronger and can make coping difficult.  It's important to remember that no emotion is permanent. Being human is to feel, and allowing yourself to not be ok is essential.  

When everyone around us appears to be positive and coping, it can feel very lonely to struggle through a challenge, promoting feelings of guilt and shame. You may start to feel isolated, or believe you are the only one dealing with negative emotions that others seem unaffected by.

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Better Ways to Address Emotions  

It is important to focus on validating rather than solving problems immediately. Instead of immediately thinking of positives, sit with the emotion and acknowledge how it makes you think and feel. When interacting with others, be empathetic, listen, and validate how difficult they are finding the situation.  

Some examples you can use:  

• "That sounds hard."  

• "It’s OK to not feel OK right now."  

• "You are allowed to feel this way.”

• “Your feelings are valid."  

• "I understand why you feel this way."  

• "I would be upset too."  

• "I'm not going anywhere."  

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To be clear: Not all positivity is toxic, and genuine positivity, encouragement and support can lead to better outcomes. Optimism for things to get better and looking forward to change when you’ve accepted things are tough, is helpful. Struggling sometimes is normal, and it's ok to find things challenging from time to time.  

Whether in your personal life or in the workplace, allowing yourself the grace to feel, sit with your emotions, and let them pass is probably one of the most positive things you can do for your own mental health.

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